Monday, November 30, 2009

Seem Kinda Odd

Ice Cube the hip-hop mega star made famous these lines "Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God I don't know but today seems kinda odd..." That's my sentiments exactly today. I'm just tired, frustrated, pissed-off, mad, disappointed, hurt, angry, depressed, and a whole lot of other things.

I think everybody has a breaking point. When you've reached your limit. When you've about to reach your breaking point. When it seem like your best just isn't good enough. When you've about to go postal. When your about to throw in the towel. When you've reach your the max of your understanding of people foolishness. When you can't handle another lie, rumor, phony friend who smile in your face while stabling you in your back. Well, I'm there!

I'm up going through the motion trying to keep my mind and my spirit in tacked. I'm in this dark place and I'm not sure how too get out and I'm afraid that I'm going to get stuck.

I miss those days where I couldn't wait for the sun to get up. I missed the days when it was about Kingdom work. When it was simply about the next sermon series, next event, next meeting and next fellowship. I miss the excitement about what God was doing in, through and for us.

I'm figuring out that this is much bigger than anticipated and it want to engulf me. I'm afraid if it does it will change me forever. Something needs to be done but my compass is so jacked-up that I can't focus and find the direction I need. I struggle praying cause I'm so angry, hurt and disappointed.

I don't want to do this any more...Peace

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God is FAITHFUL and He will never let you down; He'll never let you be pushed past your limit; He'll always be there to help you come through it, providing a way of escape." 1 Corinthians 10:13