It's morning but a morning I'm not prepared for I'm tired. My mind wouldn't turn off last night or better yet this morning, no matter what I tried. It was like my mind and my emotions were playing some sick cat and mouse game. You ever seen a cat play with a mouse? Its the most twisted game I've ever seen. Everybody knows that cats chase mice its their nature but its the catch that tripped me out. The cat caught the mouse then let it go, only to recapture it again and again and again. Until it renders it helpless and lifeless. That's how I felt last night and way into the morning tossing and turning. Angry one moment, sad the next. Worried one moment and hurt the next. Pissed off one moment then pissed off even more the next.
The nerve of some "people." Yeap I said it! I'm learning a lot about human nature...this is not going to be any great revelation but here goes "people say one thing but do the total opposite." I've had people (people who I've seen BEND OVER and JUMP through flaming hoops for other people)come up to me and say that they understand and that they are there for me then in the same sentence or same day contradict what they just said. Don't get me wrong this is my blog and this is my way of expressing my thought at the particular moment. What does be there mean? Can anybody tell me? What does I'm here to help you mean? What does I'm here mean? Is help suppose to hurt? Theory doesn't work in the trenches...either you're in or you're not!
1 comment:
I am sure there will be many days you will feel like this. Many emotions. I Pray God will protect you from the attack and trap the enemy will attempt to set for you during this period of saddness and what appears to be darkness. Grief is a a process and we vacillate back and forth from shock, denial and anger. Many people don't understand the process because we have not been all taught the appropriate way to handle the devastation of losing a loved one. Therefore we sometimes fail to respond appropriately to those who suffer the barrage of emotions and intense pain that comes from the loss. We also have to realize that death can also uncover some deeply embedded feelings that under typical or normal circumstances, we would dare not face. Whatever the case, if you are to emerge healthly and whole as you journey through this valley you must hold firmly to the promise that God is with you. And that he is a wise God who would not have us to be ignorant. He wants us to utilize all of the resources and tools he has made available so that we can be living sacrafices and a testimony to his promise of sunshine after rain and the experience of joy as a result of morning light. He wants for us to have genuine, true testimony (not superficial ones) to his greatness and goodness. Wholisitic healing. As you heal, and you will heal gradually, Heal as a whole person. One who will be a vessel to truly help others who will have to pass this way.
The Lord is close to those whose hearts have been broken.
He saves those whose spirits have been crushed. Psalms 34:18
Post a Comment